Sunday, January 15, 2012

Psssst...

I think I might be back.

It's been well over a year since I've competed in the sport. Without too much detail... it was just something that I thought I needed to do. I needed to refocus... clear my head... regroup. What I've found over the last year is that this is part of me... it's in me... I need it. Or maybe it isn't the sport itself... but rather what it breeds in me. I need to push. I need to challenge. I need a little physical adversity in my life to be whole. Over the last year I've been missing a part of myself. Honestly... it didn't really occur to me until this last week. I've just felt off... not myself. I realized what training and competition bring out in me. When training and racing... I feel clear. I feel possibility in myself and those around me. It fills a hole that hasn't ever really been filled by anything else. I'd like to tell you that simply being a good Dad... being a good friend... being a good employee "fullfills" me. Maybe I'd like to tell you that b/c that is what we learn we're supposed to be satisfied with as we grow up. That that is enough... and for many... maybe it is... and how GREAT! But I've never been one to be completely satisfied. To stand there... look around... and say, "HEY! This is awesome! I did it! I am now ok!" That's just not who I am... which in my opinion is equal parts annoying... and equal parts fantastic. I just want more. And I'm not talking about stuff. Stuff is easy. I'm talking about challenging oneself... in whatever way satisfies you... to go for more. To work, sweat, rage, cry, strive, fail and succeed. THAT... that's what I need. And I have to be okay with that. I have to accept who and what I am and be good with it. Some days I'm totally there... others I'm not. But that's all part of the ride.

I'm excited. Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope you're all happy, healthy, and whole.

Breathe...

2 comments:

Sally Holden Dyson said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Colleen said...

So glad to see that you are back! :) Welcome back... and ease into things! I can tell you made the right choice to return! :)