How can I put this?

I'm not going to write a race report.

I have sat down countless times to write this "narrative". Every time I start... I get a couple of sentences in and I grind to a complete and utter halt... I just can't write about it. I feel like I'm trying to "create" a story... an experience. I feel like I'm making things up. The reality is... I don't remember a whole lot about the day. I remember bits and pieces:

• Standing at the swim start, closing my eyes, holding an invisible hand and smiling.
• Laughing with Earl in the changing tent about taint pain.
• Passing Marit on the bike... then getting passed by her later... all the while laughing and smiling.
• Seeing my best friend from high school on the run... and stopping to hug him and tell him I love him.
• Begging my stomach to come around so that I can run to my ability.
• Striking a pose at the finish... b/c Liz asked me to.

I remember moments... but I can't put the entire thing together. The bottom-line is this: I ran this race in ernest. I ran this race because I made a commitment a year ago and needed to see it through. I ran this race because I felt like this was one of the only things in my life that I had control over. I spent 6 months... January through June... training under conditions that should have folded me into the fetal position in the corner. There is no logical reason that I should have completed this race in the time I did other than out of the necessity to see the commitment through.

So here's the deal: I have unfinished business with Ironman. Don't get me wrong... I am thrilled that I was able to complete the race. I am ecstatic that I had the experience that I did. I feel so blessed that I'm healthy, and capable, and able to participate in this sport... but I am not done with this distance.

Stay tuned and...

Breathe...